HOW SHOULD CHILDREN DEAL WITH PUTDOWNS?
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re so fat.”
“You are the worst soccer player ever.”
Nobody likes to be insulted. A long, long time ago when I was a student, the retort was, “I know you are, but what am I?” Not effective. In fact, that only made me part of the problem.
My parents had another “solution”. Just ignore him/her/them. This wasn’t effective either. How could I ignore the fact someone called me stupid/fat or worse? “Just ignore” made me stop telling parents or other adults. Without having someone to talk to, I internalized the insults. Maybe I am stupid/fat (or worse).
We have all experienced putdowns. Not every instance is bullying even though people are quick to use the word now. Bullying may exist based on the frequency and severity of the putdowns and based on an imbalance of power, but many putdown exchanges don’t meet this standard. Regardless, insulting back and ignoring do not work.
So then what? Many times, the child needs to talk to an adult just to get rid of the comment circling around inside. The adult can sympathize and acknowledge the child’s feelings. “I can see that you’re upset about that” or “That must have made you feel sad.” Often the putdown isn’t rational. Asking the child, “Does that make any sense?” or “Is that true?” may help. If he/she realizes the statement isn’t true, it is easier to move on. If he/she believes the comment, then more conversation is required to support the child.
Ultimately, it important to teach the child positive self-talk. Three things should happen during the self-talk: (1) Consider the source; (2) Consider the content; (3) Come up with a plan.
- Consider the source: Is this a best friend or someone who seems to say hurtful things to many people? This distinction is important. It helps the person realize whether the insult really has anything to do with himself/herself. Maybe the person is grumpy or having a bad day? This is his/her problem, not mine. Maybe the person is bored and thinks that getting a reaction by teasing someone is funny entertainment. I’m not going there.
- Consider the content: Again, think about what was said. Am I stupid? No, of course not! I taught my mom how to play a new videogame last night. I can spell “Saskatchewan”. I have a trick for solving the 9 times tables. I’m not stupid. I’m smart. The comment makes no sense. And I’m smart enough not to argue with someone who is in a bad mood.
- Come up with a plan: Here is where common sense comes in. I do not play near people who try to bother me. I give people in bad moods their space. I find other people to have around me so that I am not alone. A person is less likely to insult someone who is with someone else.
The self-talk approach takes a lot of work. I role-play with students. They forget to use the self-talk after the next putdown, but we talk about it again and practice again. If we only solve each problem for children, we create a dependency. Over time, the goal is to give them a life skill. While we hope for a better world, the unfortunate reality is that putdowns do pop up at any age. Still, we can change how we deal with them.
Winter Weather
Whenever possible, all students should go outside at lunch and recess. They spend a lot of time sitting at desks and they need the time to stretch, run and chat with friends from other classes. As well, they need the opportunity to play on our wonderful new playground!
As fall moves closer to winter, the weather is getting colder. I’m no meteorologist, but I predict it will get rainier…maybe even snowier! Please ensure that your children come to school with proper clothing to spend an hour outside—fifteen minutes at recess and forty-five minutes at lunch.
As principal, I have to make a decision about going outside or staying inside each recess and lunch period. If it is lightly raining, I usually make it an Outside Day. Kids who don’t like the rain can take cover and play in the undercover area or under the overhang by the portable. Since recess is shorter, I may make it an Outside Day for recess and an Inside Day at lunch.
When dressed properly (e.g., gloves, rain-resistant hoodies, boots, sweaters), students tune out the weather conditions and eagerly take advantage of the time to exercise and socialize!
At Second Street Community School, we are committed to a respectful, joyful, and safe learning environment where we all strive to be our best.
Teacher Job Action:
Teacher Job Action updates are available on the Burnaby Board of Education website.
Upcoming Events
Feb. 10th - Assembly (am) - Gr. 6/7 5 on 5 Basketball @ LunchFeb. 14th - Gr. 6/7 Valentine's Day DanceFeb. 15th - Div. 3, 4 & 5 skating @ Moody Park Rink 1:00 - 3:00Feb. 17th - Jump Rope for Heart and YPC (am)Feb. 23rd - Pizza DayFeb. 24th - Pro-D DayFeb. 28th - Aboriginal Circle (pm) - Boys Competitive Basketball (3:00 - 7:00)Feb. 29th - Anti-Bullying Pink Day Click a link below to find out what's happening at Second Street!
Traffic Safety at 2nd Street
Staff, students, and parents have been working hard to increase traffic safety awareness at our school. Click here to read the latest article published in the Burnaby Now. Watch our students' traffic safety video here!
Second Street's Traffic Safety Video from tbriscoe on Vimeo.
